i think i

:''''''''''''''''''''''')

tour turned me back into a night owl. back into a teenaged dreamer with dark circles.
but tour had me up every morning at 8:45, no alarm. on show days and other days too. i’ve not been this hungry for my days in quite some time. nor my nights. gorging on future memories while they’re hot and ready. practicing hyper-presence. swimming in a spiral, in a familiar fishbowl, back around to lessons i didn’t learn the first or fifty-leventh time. hopefully my brain is stitching all this together.
there are so many funerals and weddings to attend in our minds over the course of one lifetime. there’s only so many life-death-life cycles one can take before the body will finally request a coma. i’ve been waking up in my own bed around noon every morning for the last couple days. it felt so good to come home. but it felt so good to be out there too.

i’ve tried on occasion, over the last 2 months, to make myself work out in writing what current growing pains and pleasure feel like. what I would want to remember most about these days. Bjork said something once in an interview about how language and communicating was like trying to put the ocean through a straw. i think i am the ocean.

no, fuck it, i’m the ocean.